Building Stronger Bonds in Your Marriage: Exploring Attachment Styles
Marriage Counseling NJ | Couples Counseling NJ | Emotionally Focused Therapy Montclair NJ
Navigating a romantic relationship is often a winding journey—filled with joy, challenges, and moments of confusion. If you’ve ever felt frustrated, misunderstood, or stuck in painful patterns with your partner, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle to maintain emotional closeness over time, especially when early attachment wounds show up in the relationship.
The good news? With the right support, healing is possible. Through Marriage Counseling in NJ and a better understanding of attachment styles, you can begin to rewrite old patterns and create a stronger, more emotionally secure bond with your partner.
Attachment Styles and Marriage Counseling
Our attachment style, formed in childhood, has a profound influence on how we relate to romantic partners. Understanding your own attachment style, as well as your partner’s, is a key step in any Couples Counseling NJ process. At the core of emotionally focused therapy (EFT), which I offer here in Montclair, NJ, is the belief that emotional safety and connection are foundational to a thriving relationship.
There are four main attachment styles:
Secure
Avoidant
Ambivalent (Anxious-Preoccupied)
Disorganized
Each of these styles shows up differently in adult romantic relationships, and understanding them can guide the work we do together in therapy.
Secure Attachment in Relationships
Individuals with a secure attachment style typically feel comfortable with intimacy and trust. They’re able to communicate openly, offer emotional support, and navigate conflict with confidence. When both partners are securely attached, or working toward secure functioning, the relationship tends to feel safe, balanced, and deeply satisfying.
In Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in NJ, the goal is not perfection but creating a secure base for both partners, even if your starting point is an insecure attachment.
Avoidant Attachment in Marriage
If your partner or you tend to avoid closeness, value independence above emotional intimacy, or struggle to express emotions, you may have an avoidant attachment style. This can lead to emotional distancing in marriage, making it difficult for your partner to connect with you on a deeper level.
Avoidant individuals often didn’t receive consistent emotional attunement as children. In Marriage Counseling NJ, we explore these early patterns while gently building emotional safety, helping you find a balance between your need for space and your partner’s need for connection.
Ambivalent Attachment
Individuals with an ambivalent attachment style may have experienced inconsistent and unpredictable caregiving during their childhood. As a result, they tend to perceive relationships as uncertain and constantly seek cues to understand how their behavior might be received.
If you have an ambivalent attachment style, you may experience excessive worry about being rejected, seek constant reassurance, and have a persistent fear of abandonment. You might depend on your partner to validate your worth and alleviate your insecurities. If your partner fails to interpret your cues, this can lead to heightened emotions, frequent conflicts, and trust issues. An ambivalently attached individual may frequently text their partner seeking reassurance, asking “Do you still love me?” Their fear of abandonment can create a push-pull dynamic in the relationship.
Managing an ambivalent attachment style can be challenging, but it’s important to remember that you are not alone. To start, try communicating openly and expressing vulnerability with your partner. Establishing clear communication channels can also help your partner better understand your needs and respond empathetically, which can ultimately help reduce misunderstandings and strengthen your relationship. Remember to be kind to yourself throughout this process and seek support from loved ones if needed.
Anxious Attachment in Marriage
Ambivalently attached individuals often seek reassurance, fear abandonment, and feel emotionally vulnerable when their partner seems distant. This can result in a push-pull dynamic where one partner clings while the other withdraws.
In Couples Therapy Montclair NJ, we work together to understand the emotional drivers beneath these behaviors and create new ways of relating—ways that build trust, reduce anxiety, and increase mutual understanding.
Disorganized Attachment and Relationship Challenges
Disorganized attachment often stems from caregivers who were both a source of fear and safety, leading to internal conflict. This attachment style may manifest as unpredictable behavior, difficulty trusting others, or emotional dysregulation.
In Emotionally Focused Therapy, Montclair NJ, we create a safe therapeutic space to explore these patterns gently and compassionately. Working through trauma-related blocks and attachment wounds can help couples reduce conflict, regulate emotion, and move toward more stable intimacy.
How Marriage Counseling in NJ Can Help You Reconnect
You don't have to stay stuck in painful cycles. Marriage counseling in Montclair, NJ can help you:
Understand your and your partner’s attachment styles
Break negative communication patterns
Rebuild emotional intimacy
Strengthen trust and secure emotional connection
Develop new tools for empathy, emotional responsiveness, and resilience
Using the principles of Emotionally Focused Therapy, we focus on transforming disconnection into connection—because love isn’t just about solving problems; it’s about feeling safe in each other’s arms again.
Ready to Begin Couples Counseling in Montclair, NJ?
You deserve a relationship where you feel seen, heard, and valued.
If you’re ready to explore how Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy in NJ can help you build a stronger, more connected marriage, I invite you to schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation.
Click here to schedule your free consult and take the first step toward healing.
Image of compassionate Therapist|Offering Marriage Counseling in NJ|Stevette Heyliger LPC
Stevette Heyliger, LPC, is a Licensed Professional Counselor based in Montclair, NJ, specializing in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples and individuals. Deeply committed to helping people heal disconnection and build emotionally safe, loving relationships, Stevette supports clients in breaking painful cycles, repairing trust, and fostering secure emotional bonds.
In addition to weekly therapy sessions, Stevette offers 3-day private Couples Intensives—a focused, in-depth experience for partners who want to dive deeper, faster. These intensives are ideal for couples in crisis, those with limited time for weekly sessions, or anyone seeking a meaningful relationship reset.
Whether you're seeking Marriage Counseling in NJ or virtual therapy anywhere in New Jersey, Stevette provides a compassionate, nonjudgmental space where both partners can feel seen and supported. She is also a founding member of the Caribbean EFT Community, working to expand access to EFT throughout the Caribbean.
You can learn more about her services or schedule a complimentary consultation here.